Response on the Marriage Survey

Divorce rates all across the globe have been rising rapidly owing to certain problems like incompatibility between couples, infidelity issues, lack of trust and understanding, and financial pressures. It is sad to observe the rising divorce rate across the world and see marriages breaking. However, the above table suggests that education (information) can help to a reasonable degree to salvage our marriages.

"50% of all marriages in America end in divorce". (here).

I have carried out a mini-survey; which saw people aged between 31 and 64, that have been married for 2 to 33 years detailed some of their experiences in their marriages. I have selected five of them (A - E). See their comments below after the quotes.

“Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.” ― Albert Einstein.

“I don't want to be married just to be married. I can't think of anything lonelier than spending the rest of my life with someone I can't talk to, or worse, someone I can't be silent with.”  ― Mary Ann Shaffer.

“Marrying means to halve one's rights and double one's duties” ― Arthur Schopenhauer.

“To catch a husband is an art; to hold him is a job.” ― Simone de Beauvoir.

“Just start off with the same goals in mind. If you have the same values, same goals then you'll be on track for the same future.” ― Angelina Jolie. Continue...

A is a 64 year old male and currently married. He has been married for 33 years. He was aged 30 when he met his wife and got married a year later.

B is a 42 year old male and currently married. He has been married for 9 years. He was aged 32 when he met his wife and got married a year later.

C is a 35 year old male and currently married. He has been married for 3 years. He was aged 29 when he met his wife and got married 3 years later.

D is a 57 year old female and still married. She has been married for 32 years. She was aged 20 when she met her spouse and got married 5 years later.

E is a 34 year old male and still married. He has been married for 2 years. He was aged 32 when he met his wife and got married that same year.

Some of the questions asked are shown below with some selected answers:

 
How would you define marriage?

A: A life exclusive partnership and fellowship.

B: when a man and a woman left their respective parents and takes a marriage vow (legalised ) to become husband and wife.

C: A union ordained by God.

D: Good.

E: An interesting mystery, where two different people agree to come together to live, learn and grow together. A covenant relationship between a man and a woman.
 
How did you meet your spouse?

A: At a friend's h+ome, whilst visiting her.

B: I met my wife during the service year (NYSC - The compulsory programme for Nigerian graduates)

C: During employment training programme

D: During travels

E: She came to visit a friend and I was there.

 
How would you rate your conviction before agreeing to marry your spouse?
A: 100%

B: I was almost 100% convinced before I got married

C: It was not that easy but it was God intervention
D: Very convinced

E: 100%. But it doesn't really have to be your experience. Once you have peace about your decision, I don't see a reason why not.

Did you regret your decision?
A: No

B: I did not regret my decision

C: Never

D: No

E: No. I am grateful I took that decision.

 
Do you think marriage is important?
A: It is God's ordained institution.

B: Marriage is very very important to obey Bible injunction for procreation

C: Yes

D: Yes

E: Very important

 
If you have the 2nd chance, would you choose your spouse again?
A: Definitely!

B: If I have second chance I will marry my spouse again
C: Yes

D: Yes

E: If she wouldn't mind

 
Why?
A: She is the flesh of my bone, made in heaven.

B: None provided

C: Because she is a wife and a strong backbone. Her support cannot be comprehended
D: He allows me to be me

E: I know her to be very lovely, she understands me and completes me.

 
Are you tired of your relationship or do you think you need help?
A: Receive regular help from the Holy Spirit.

B: I'm not tired of the relationship at all
C: No

D: No

E: No

 
If yes, would you like to share your experiences?
A: We always pray together and break bread and drink wine everyday (communion).

B: N/A

C: N/A

D: N/A

E: N/A

If you were to give a friend marriage advice, what would that advice be? 

A: Marriage is different from wedding.  You need to learn to become a husband or a wife.  Do the your wife what you want her to do to you. Show her or him love. Be patient with one another. Guard your tongue, especially when you are angry or angered. Discuss issues and do not personalise disagreements.  Pray together and seek the face of the Lord.

B: My advice to the unmarried is to majorly  involve God and be fully assured before moving ahead, then try to choose a someone who fears God.

C: To be careful in selection, visit the family to know their tradition and to move closer to God.

D: Be sincere.

E: Learn as much as you can and you don't have to have everything before you get married. It's a journey of faith. I have noticed something with the unmarried folk, when they have a very good friend that understands them well and they are very good friends with common grounds - when it comes to the issue of getting married, they are not even thinking about this friend at all. Could he/she be too much of a friend to be your spouse? Well, I understand there are some circumstances that you just notice something in his/her life that you weren't going to settle with; This isn't the case all the time! How else do you want to meet the person you will supposedly spend the rest of your life with. Tell me?

What would you have wished that all young people know before saying I do?

A: Read a good CHRISTIAN book about marriage.  Note marriage is the ONLY institution, where you get a certificate before you begin the lesson or experience!
God however, did no make a mistake.  Marriage tests your faith - 'without faith no one can please God!'

B: Before you say 'I do', note it's forever for God hates divorce.

C: It's only God that can do that and you won't regret it.

D: Make sure you have a relationship with God.

E: Know God, understand who you are; because so many people are still having identity crisis and don't have a sense of purpose. Knowledge will help you to know that you don't focus too much on the physical appearance, but character, values and how much of God does he/she has. Have you ever wonder that beauty, money, successful career alone don't make happy home. Money can buy you a bed but not a good sleep, it can build you a house but not a home etc. Watch your company. Don't assume you know all - we are all still learning.

I want to appreciate everyone of you that participated in this mini-survey. Please post your comments below and let us know if you disagree or agree with any of their answers above or what your views are about this subject.