"True
love is eternal, infinite, and always like itself. It is equal and pure,
without violent demonstrations: it is seen with white hairs and is always young
in the heart." - Honoré de Balzac.
A
flower cannot blossom without sunshine, and man cannot live without love. - Max
Muller.
Below is an interesting article written by Joseph Prince addressing, "Secrets Of Manly Leadership". It explores marriage and being in love with your spouse. What makes men attractive? What ladies should look for in a potential husband. Continue after the cut to read the article.
Below is an interesting article written by Joseph Prince addressing, "Secrets Of Manly Leadership". It explores marriage and being in love with your spouse. What makes men attractive? What ladies should look for in a potential husband. Continue after the cut to read the article.
Men,
do you want to know how to be a good husband and leader in your family? Then
look at what God’s Word says to husbands.
But
first, understand this: Whatever God tells you to do, He is not saying that you
must do it in your own strength, gritting your teeth! He will give you the
strength when you rest in what His Son has done for you at the cross.
Notice
how God’s instruction, “Husbands, love your wives,” in Ephesians 5, comes after
Ephesians 1–4. Let me explain. Ephesians can be divided into three Ws. It
begins with the wealth of the Christian—what you have in
Christ. Then, you have the walk—the central part where it says,
“Husbands, love your wives…Wives, submit...” Finally, you have warfare in
Ephesians 6. Another way in which you can divide the book is like this: Sit–Walk–Stand.
Now,
many Christians want to walk. They emphasize the behaviour part of the
Christian life and neglect the sitting. But the sitting or resting must come
first.
When
Jesus sat down at the Father’s right hand, it meant that everything He had done
and provided for us had been accomplished. So we begin with sitting, not
walking. But how well we walk out our Christian life on earth, depends on how
well we sit. The more we rest in Christ and understand that everything is
accomplished by Him, and not us, the more power we will receive to walk well.
If
you apply this to your marriage, it means that how well you treat your wife
depends on how well you rest in Christ. God is not saying, “You, by your
energy, love your wife.” He is saying, “Rest in My Son and He will cause you to
love your wife effortlessly.”
To Love As Christ Loved
Ephesians 5:25
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.
We
are to love our wives the way Jesus loved the church. And how did Jesus love
the church? He “gave Himself”. The Bible doesn’t say, “For God so loved
the world, He gave a box of candies.” He didn’t give you a bunch of flowers
either! On the cross, Jesus gave Himself.
Ladies,
don’t marry a guy just because he is rich and gives you gifts. He can give you
presents without giving you his presence! Money doesn’t guarantee
you happiness. Go, instead, for someone who is able to give himself for you. Go
for someone with self-sacrificial love.
“Husbands,
love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her”.
That is self-sacrificial love. Guys, your wife will not find it hard to submit
to you when she knows that you love her self-sacrificially. Take Jesus as our
example. It’s not hard to submit to Him when we know how much He loves us and
that He has our best interests at heart.
Let God Do The Changing
Some
husbands may say, “Pastor Prince, if I just love my wife, she’ll never see her
faults, she’ll never change!”
You
can’t change your wife. Your part is to love her and let God do the changing.
Ladies, likewise, your part is to submit to your husband and let God change
him.
Many
times, we tell our spouses, “I want you to change and then I will love you.”
But God’s way is the opposite: “Men, love first and then I will transform her.
Ladies, submit first and then I will change him.”
What Makes A Man Attractive
Guys,
do you want to know what makes you attractive? In the book of Proverbs, it says
that what is desired in a man is kindness. (Proverbs 19:22) The
Living Bible says, “Kindness makes a man attractive”. The word
“kindness” here is hesed in the Hebrew, which means “loving-kindness”.
This word is usually used to refer to the love of God.
So
ladies, if you are looking for a potential husband, make sure that the person
has hesed because the love of God will keep him attractive.
Guys, one day, your six-pack abs will sag! One day, your high forehead will
become even higher! When all your good looks are gone, hesed will
remain, and your wife will still find you very attractive!
Lay Down Your Own Desires
Hesed is also displayed when you lay down your own desires for
the sake of your loved ones.
There
are times when my wife Wendy wants to do something but I want to do something
else. And I’m ashamed to say that in a few of those times, I went ahead and did
what I wanted to do. But at the end of it, I felt so selfish and frustrated.
So
I have learnt to allow the self-sacrificial love of Jesus to fill my heart when
such situations arise. I remind myself that Jesus laid down His life with open
arms on the cross for me. And if Wendy wants to do something else, I tell the
Lord, “Lord Jesus, since You love me like that, I am going to love her like
that too.”
Love
is shown when two wills cross, and you are willing to lay down yours and fulfil
hers. When I sacrifice my desires for Wendy, there is an excitement that is so
much deeper, more wholesome and fulfilling than going after my selfish desires!
Because when I start “laying down my life” for her, the next thing I know, she
says, “I feel like I am falling in love with you all over again.”
It
is fun to “lay down your life” in love for your loved ones. It makes you more
sensitive to the Spirit too. When you open your Bible, the words “jump out” at
you. When you pray, your prayer is a flow. When you honour your wife and love
her self-sacrificially, you will find that all of heaven opens. That’s why 1
Peter 3:7 says that when a husband honours his wife, his prayers will not be
hindered!
Focus On Christ’s Love For You
Let’s
look at Ephesians 5:25 again: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ
also loved the church and gave Himself for her”. Here’s a key on how to
love your wife. Notice it says, “as Christ also loved the church and gave
Himself for her”. The focus is on Christ — the way Christ loves us.
There
are times when Wendy doesn’t see my point of view and we have a disagreement.
After the disagreement, we hear a song—the Sound of Silence! So I give her the
cold treatment and drive off somewhere. I tell myself, “It’s time for her to
learn and grow up! Like a wild horse, she must be tamed!”
So
I’m driving down the road with such thoughts. I try to forgive her and love
her, but the more I try, the worse it becomes! What do I do then, when I don’t
feel like loving my wife?
The
secret is to turn to Jesus. My part is not to try to love my wife because I’ll
just get angrier. I’ll just have more bad thoughts toward her, like how she
should not have done that and how she should have known better. So I must stop
and focus on Jesus’ love for me.
When
I see how much He loves me, the Lord begins to show me how time and time again,
I myself have done wrong when I should have known better, yet He still loves
me. Not once has He said to me, “I resign from being your Saviour!” He always
says, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” (Hebrews 13:5)
When
you focus on Jesus and His grace toward you despite your mistakes, you begin to
see your self-righteousness—acting like you are so high up there and holy, and
she is so wrong. And you begin to despise what you see in yourself and say,
“Lord, if You love me despite all my nonsense, how can I treat my wife like
this?”
Guys,
focus on Jesus, not your wife. Meditate on His love for you. We love because He
first loved us. (1 John 4:19) We forgive because He first forgave us. Love your
wife and say, “I am sorry,” even if you are not in the wrong. It’s your glory
to overlook a transgression. (Proverbs 19:11) It takes a real man to do that.
And when your wife sees you humble, she feels loved. She won’t take advantage
of you. She will end up loving you because your loving-kindness toward her
makes you attractive.
Love Your Wife With Your Words
When
we choose to forgive, we are loving our wives. We also love our wives when we
use words to nourish them, just like how Christ uses His words to cleanse and
wash us, the church.
Ephesians 5:25–26
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word
How
does Jesus purify us when we feel condemned, guilty or depressed? He speaks to
us, through a pastor, sermon CD or the Bible. He uses His words to make us feel
clean—“that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having
spot or wrinkle”. (Ephesians 5:27) He doesn’t use His words to make us feel
dirty or guilty. He says things like, “You are all fair, my love, and there
is no spot in you.” (Song of Solomon 4:7)
Husbands,
likewise, love your wives with your words. Tell her how good she looks in that
dress. Praise her for the meal she cooked.
But
the problem is that we guys don’t like to communicate with our wives. Women
like to speak up, but guys just keep it all bottled up!
Some
of you may think that just because I am a pastor who preaches four services
every Sunday, I communicate a lot with Wendy. It’s not true. When I go home, I
become like any ordinary man. In fact, because I have already spoken so much in
church, my tongue says, “Give me a sofa!”
As
I am lying on my sofa and watching TV, Wendy sits down beside me and says,
“Darling, did you think of me today?”
I
say, “Yeah, I’m sure you crossed my mind today.”
Men,
you know that that’s not what she wants to hear! I should have said, “Yes, I
did think of you, darling, and honestly, when I thought of you, my heart felt so
warm. I am so glad I am married to you.”
You
are being truthful because we men do think of our wives in that way during the
day. But we need to speak and say it in their language of love. We need to
nourish them with our words.
The Proverbs 31 Woman
If
you read Proverbs 31:10, you’ll find that it describes the “virtuous wife”,
whose worth is “far above rubies”. So some husbands tell their wives,
“Darling, it would be wonderful if you were the Proverbs 31 woman!”
The
secret to being the woman in Proverbs 31 is at the tail end of the chapter—“Her
husband…praises her”! (Proverbs 31:28) Her husband has learnt the value of
praising her. He knows how to use his words to nourish her.
But
we husbands are quick to criticize our wives and slow to praise them. When they
prepare a meal that tastes really good, we don’t say a word. But the moment
there is something we don’t like about the meal, we complain!
Guys,
if you want your wife to be like the woman in Proverbs 31, learn to give her
praise and honor. It will bring you success too!
Honoring Your Wife Brings You Success
When
I first married Wendy, I was very ambitious about the church and my ministry. I
didn’t want to have a church that never grew and where the people were
lifeless. I wanted a church that is happening and on fire for Jesus.
So
I got hold of books and tapes on church growth. I listened to the tapes and
read the books. Yet, the church didn’t grow as fast as it did over the recent
years. Why?
Because
I had believed in a lie from the devil. The devil says that to have career
success, you must focus on your career. The Bible, however, tells us otherwise.
It says that we are to give honor to our wives (1 Peter 3:7), not our careers!
The
word “honor” in 1 Peter 3:7 is kabod in Hebrew. It means
“heavy weight”. In other words, if I honor my wife, I give weight or value to
her presence. I also give weight to her words.
So
I began to see that I was doing it wrong. I was giving my ministry weight and
making light of Wendy and her words. We had just gotten married and those were
some of the toughest times in our marriage because I was focusing on the
ministry and church. I came to a place where I felt like a hypocrite and I
didn’t like it. I had to make a choice—either I pursued the ministry or my
wife.
I
said, “God, if this church never becomes a success, I don’t care. I am going to
honor my wife. I am going by Your Word that says, ‘Give her honor.’”
From
then on, I gave weight to her and what she said. And amazing things started to
happen. As I honored my wife, God propelled me and my ministry!
So
guys, if you want career success, honor your wives. The more you honor your
wives, the more your careers will be on track and the more success will seek
you out!
Leadership And Accountability
When
it comes to making important decisions, discuss them with your wife. Don’t just
say, “I am the man. Submit! End of discussion!” Instead, give weight to her
words. Listen to her opinions. At the end of it, if you still feel strongly
that your decision is better, your wife is to submit to you.
But
know this: Whatever the outcome, good or bad, whether it is your idea or hers,
the responsibility falls squarely on your shoulders! You are ultimately
accountable to your family. If a family fails or a marriage crumbles, even if
the wife is involved, God puts the blame squarely on the man. Why?
Somewhere
along the way, like Adam, the man has kept quiet and allowed evil to reign. He
has allowed Satan to deceive his wife. Though it was Eve who sinned first, God
did not say, “Through Eve’s sin, we were all made sinners.” Instead, He said
that it was through Adam’s sin. (Romans 5:19)
So
men, you are the head of the house, admiral of your submarine, captain of your
platoon! As the leader, God holds you responsible. You cannot say, “I can’t
help it. My wife is like that.” No, take responsibility and say, “I am going to
love her and trust God to change her. And by the grace of God, I will change
for the better too.”
When
a company succeeds, who gets the credit? The chief executive officer (CEO), not
the workers. You may think that it’s unfair. But when the company fails, who
gets the blame? The CEO. So it’s not easy being a leader. I know this as I am
also a leader in more ways than one.
Men,
God has made you the leader in your families. He has given you the honor, so
take charge and be responsible.
But remember that He does not expect you to do
it in your own strength. Rest in His Son and He will give you the power to
steer your family through the storms of life!
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